Light and Loveliness

Reflections of Emily Sue Allen

Family / Life & Faith / Motherhood

Nesting & Reflecting

I have a few weeks to go. Five or six. The due date is disputed between what I calculated and what the first ultrasound dated the gestational age of the baby, so for the first time in five pregnancies, I don’t have a single date to go on. I don’t really mind. Also for the first time, I feel really free of worry and anxiety over the arrival of this little one. With the others, for some reason I needed to control the process as much as I could, which I’m convinced made the anticipation more stressful than it needed to be. This time I have peace. Maybe I’ll feel differently as the time approaches. I don’t know. But for now I feel it close. I also feel really aware of the pain to come, but it seems a tiny price to pay compared to the prize on the way. I’m so eager to meet her.

This photo captured by the lovely Latisha Hale, a photographer and friend.

I’ve been turning the house inside out and getting rid of as many things as I can. All the things that make heavy the task of creating a home filled with lightness and love. The things we don’t need, or things that have sat idle for months or years, holding hostage space that needs to be freed. I have always been a little oblivious to clutter, and therefore my house has always had a bit more than others. But for some reason, in this season, it all needs to go. Every last thing is under scrutiny, and only the things that make life simple can stay. It feels a little like a new era dawning, but I’ll not presume to know what the coming months will hold for me.

I keep reflecting on the privilege of carrying a child. There is not one moment that I don’t feel unfathomably blessed. I know that not every woman that wants a baby is able to have one. Or another one. And I have so many dear friends who have wanted and waited for long, and sometimes unending seasons to hold a child of their own. It feels unfair to say, but carrying this child has made me more aware than ever before of the unfulfilled aches of other women. Every one of my discomforts, a reminder to pray for each of them the coming of blessing that fills the empty space in their hearts and bodies. The vulnerability I feel daily, a constant reminder to reach out to support the mamas in my life who live their days pouring out everything they have to their families, whether they be large or small ones. The weariness that comes over me, a reminder that every woman I know carries a heartache, and lives in tension of where she has been, where she is presently, and where she wants to go. For each of you I have just a few things to say.

You are brave, strong, and courageous. You astound with your resilience through so many of life’s challenges. You might not feel brave, but most of us rarely do even if you happen to be looking in at someone else’s particularly graceful moments…we each do what is in front of us the best that we can. You might not feel strong, but the heart muscle doesn’t show up quite like a bicep to outsiders. It is hidden away where no one but God sees, and most women I have met are considerably stronger than they feel. You can stay the course. You’re doing it even when your knees shake. And courage? When you don’t feel it, ask for help and encouragement from those around you. Or offer it to someone else with a hug or a kind word and you might find some for yourself. We need to speak life to each other…to build up, to strengthen and encourage instead of comparing, withdrawing, and isolating ourselves in our struggles. If you don’t know who to turn to, I’m always here.

Proverbs 17:17a “A friend loves at all times.”

This photo captured by the lovely Latisha Hale, a photographer and friend.



3 Comments Nesting & Reflecting

  1. Chesney Schmidt

    Beautifully written Emily! So excited for you and your little blessing. I too can relate to the “unkown” due date! It’s kind of stressful, yet I have a peace about it too…..Some days anyways! 🙂 XOXO


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