“Refuse to be average. Let your heart soar as high as it will.” – A.W. Tozer
The last few days have been good. Quiet. The sort of uneventful week I’ve needed. I have lived in my pajamas for 2 straight days. There is nothing on my calendar, but a million mundane things to do at home. The more I press into them, the more I realize how good simplicity is…how the mundane things add up to a day of beauty. I feel like we’re moving in slow motion, and I’m aware of every moment, nuance, breath, and hidden joy of life with young children. I know, as well as anyone, how brief my time with them is. That’s not to say that every moment is easy. There are plenty of hard ones. But every moment is meaningful. Worth something. And I’m so thankful that I’m no longer in a rush to get past this part like I once was, not that long ago.
I have today to fill their hearts with truth, wisdom, love, and memories. Right now is the aiming of the arrows…The day to choose my words carefully, and speak ones that give the heart wings. Years ago, I heard a speaker talk about the idea that every single time you interact with someone, you are either actively building, or actively breaking trust with them. I think about this with my children, and despite daily failures to keep my composure or get things together for whatever we have planned, I am trying with all my might to actively build trust…Listening calmly and completely when they talk to me without being distracted (this is the hardest one for me). Responding thoughtfully and not reactively to issues as they arise (also a challenge). Patiently directing and guiding through the inner-heart dealings of sibling relationships (instead of…um…impatiently doing this). Recognize that they are growing and changing at light-speed and if I hope to keep up to walk beside them, I really have to be present just to notice how their hearts are taking shape in the now.
I feel as though I’m in another world. One where time runs slow and everything is magnified so I can see close and pay attention to details. Where I can’t afford to waste time on things that don’t ultimately matter, (like, ahem…worrying about everything)….or I’m wasting energy that is required for the building of a solid, joyful, fruitful home. I see that there is no unimportant job in the greater task of homemaking. The little things go a long way to making our space and time together lovely. Why has it taken me so long to accept this? Oh. Maybe because I saw so many of those things as bothersome. Uninspiring. Not really worth my time….until now.
Now I’m seeing home with new eyes. Looking closer at the idea that while I’m here in this season, I’m actively making my home a place of peace and rest for my family…and that the unseen things really are seen by Someone, and even if they don’t know, those same unseen things are very important to a number of other someones that live here. If I’m honest, I’m still feeling like this can’t be real. I can’t be here. Not with 4+ beautiful children and a hard-working, adoring husband. Not with a whole and soaring heart, free from heartaches and troubles of the past…but that is what happens when Jesus takes the wheel, and I do not resist, adjust, or reject His plans for me.